Case Study - Feelings

“Do you realize how angry you are all the time?" I asked Scott during one of our Life Puzzle sessions. “I’m not angry, it’s just that the kids need to do their chores and she (his wife) won’t stay on top of them to get things done so the house can be in order the way I like it!” His wife sat quietly by, shaking her head.

“Well, okay,” I said, “things do need to get done, but do you realize how enraged you are about this? And frankly, this is a constant theme for you. We’ve been together for 3 sessions now and everything and everyone makes you angry. In other words, you see life through a lens of anger and as a result, it pours out of you and onto everyone around you!”

His wife continued to shake her head yes. So, I looked at her and asked, “On a scale of 1-100, what percent of time would you say he projects anger out on to you and the kids?” And without missing a beat she said, “Oh, its not just on us, it’s on everyone! He does this to his friends as well, so I’d say, 75% of the time, he’s angry.”

As I looked back to Scott, his face was showing anger—squinting eyes, grinding his jaw but out of his lips came the words, “I don’t think I’m angry at all.”

“Then tell me what your face is telling me right now?” I said and he looked at me with a “What are you talking about” innocence. So I repeated the request by saying “If I put a mirror in front of your face right this second, do you know what you would see? Because what I’m seeing is a face that tells me you are angry, but you’re telling me you have no clue what your face is doing!” Scott replied, “Yes, I don’t think my face is saying anything”. And I said, “I know you don’t know what your face is saying and you also don’t know what you’re feeling either. But trust, me, everyone around you knows what you’re feeling and its imperative that you learn to know this too.”

Scott is like so many people—oblivious to recognizing and managing their feelings. Feelings are as tangible a part of your life as the foods you eat and any other action you take today! Yet very few people realize this and as a result, these unconscious feelings control or shape their daily life, yet they’re oblivious that this is happening. In Scott’s case, this lack of awareness has impaired his marriage, his relationship with his children and if his wife was correct—had lost him a friend or two as well.

The good news is Scott was ready to make changes. We worked together to change the old anger pattern and he learned how to recognize what he was feeling and decide ‘is this the feeling I choose or is it just a reactive path”. He discovered like all Life Puzzle makers discover that feelings can be managed and in doing so, a whole and dynamic life created! Feelings definitely impact the whole of your Life Puzzle.